


And we're recording!

by moosetashioedmonocle



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Mentions of Sex, Multi, Nonsense, dumb hilarity, stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosetashioedmonocle/pseuds/moosetashioedmonocle
Summary: Rodimus makes a fun twitch stream out of reading the secret illegal porn stash from Magnus' desk
Relationships: not really anything - Relationship, this is rodimus reading fanfiction okay
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	And we're recording!

“Are we on? Is that what the light—yeah? Okay!” Rodimus, captain of the Lost Light, suddenly smiled his signature grin as he realized that his livestream was live, giving his literal cameraman, Rewind, a thumbs-up. From the corner of the livestream, where comments could go, Rewind’s tiny baby hand gave him a thumbs-up in response. Rodimus loaded his own stream onto the datapad on his desk, checking three important things; that it was working, that people were actually following the advice of his @everyone in the ship’s chat, and that he looked good. He gave the camera a wink, pretended to clear the throat he didn’t have, being a robot, and picked up another datapad from the many on his desk.

“Hey everybody! It’s me, Rodimus, your captain,” said Rodimus, as he took a quick second to flash a peace sign at Rewind. “So, a few megacycles ago, I found a stash of datapads in…well, let’s just say that Mags has apparently been confiscating a bunch of interesting pieces of literature you’ve been writing, and I am absolutely going to read them.”

The datapad displaying the stream made a ding noise, and Rodimus looked down for a moment before grinning back at Rewind. “Yeah, Swerve, all of them. We’re gonna be here a while. So, everyone, get a snack, get somewhere comfortable if you aren’t on shift right now, and let’s get started!”

Rodimus grabbed the first datapad from off the top of the rather prominent stack of them and clicked it on. “We’re starting with…I don’t know what these tags mean. It’s called ‘Resonating Light’ and it’s about me, of course, and Drift, love you bro. Oh, and it has multiple chapters! So, chapter one: It was a slow night onboard the Lost Light, and the young red speedster was buried to his chinstruts in paperwork. He guessed it was what he deserved for spending most of the day shift training with swords and socializing with his crew, and now he was going to spend the whole night actually doing work for a cha-hey rude, I do work-for a change. He liked to present a fun, happy-go-lucky persona to his crew, but deep down, he was very hard working, and would do anything for them. Yet Drift, his best friend, knew that beneath that was a broken heart, trying too hard to be the perfect happy guy when he was actually clinically depressed. The aforementioned swordsmech was hovering just outside his office door, debating on whether or not he should knock and distract Rodimus from his workload, and finally settled on his captain needing a break and just punching in his code for Rodimus’s office-for the record, Drift does not have the code to my office, so this is just fake.”

“The swordsmech thought he would show off a little for his man and rushed into the office, planting his hands on the desk and vaulting over it in a sick backflip, landing at his captain’s side. Rodimus audibly gasped, his work completely forgotten as all the datapads clattered to the ground. “Hey bro,” Drift said with a wink. “Wassup dude,” Rodimus said back, grabbing Drift by the shoulders and yanking him down into a sloppy kiss, tilting his head back and unlocking his jaw to let Drift slip him some tongue. Their tongues battled for dominance, and then—hey can I help you?” Rodimus stopped, view directing to his office door. Rewind took a second to spin around and look at the open door, Drift waving at him for a moment before turning back to Rodimus.

“Hey, sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt the stream.”

“It’s okay, work comes first, what did you need?”

“Need? Oh, nothing,” Drift said with a cheeky grin on his face, looking straight at Rewind. “I just wanted to prove that I have the code to your office.”

There was a small clattering as Rodimus threw the datapad he was reading at him, and then got up from his desk and started moving towards him, Drift immediately ducking out to transform and race off down the hallway. Rodimus leaned out to flip his retreating figure off but was smiling slightly as he shut the door to his office and locked it, taking a moment to retrieve the datapad before sitting back down.

“Oh. Slag, I think I broke it. Just when it was getting good, too! Don’t worry, I’ll get this fixed and do a livestream of the rest of this another time. For now,” Rodimus started to leaf through the pile, picking one up from the middle of the stack, “we’re going to keep things from being too repetitive, so I’ll read one from the Magnus section. This one is called ‘Liability, part two’, and it’s an au—oh! I know what that is! For those of you that don’t know, that’s an “alternate universe,” and it’s one where, uh,” he mouthed a few words to himself before looking back up at Rewind with an “oh, okay, it’s an alternate universe where everything’s the same except I’m a human female. The tags are a lot of stuff I don’t know, but I do know this one, that’s anal sex, and I know this one, double penetration. Should be fun.”

For Rodimus, maybe it was fun to be reading it, but after a full cycle of very juicy descriptions and someone really abusing the thesaurus, there was a slight knock at the door, followed by a gruff “Captain, please stop.” When Rodimus continued on as if nobody had said anything, the knocking got a little more incessant, and when Rodimus finally got to the part where Optimus was randomly thrown in, the knocking became a uniform pounding, and the polite requests to desist were replaced with threats of finding a laser-saw and cutting the door down. Still, Rodimus didn’t even slow down, ignoring the chat blowing up about how pissed Ultra Magnus looked as he walked down hallways, and only stopping when finally, the last orgasm of the fic came, and the alternate universe Rodimus got to collapse into a pile of sweaty limbs on top of her two robot boyfriends, content with life.

“That one was really damn long,” Rodimus noted, pausing to take a sip of a cube he pulled from a desk drawer, “so for this next one…give me a moment, I’ll find a shorter one.” It took a full klik of looking through the datapad descriptions, but he finally sat back in his chair and declared “yeah, this one looks good. Shoutout to Rung, someone didn’t forget you, because they wrote a fic about you tying me up and forcing me to…whatever that word means. Does anyone know what this word means?”

The captain took a second to hold the datapad up and closer to Rewind, but forgot to do the beauty-guru hand to balance it out and make it focus and actually let the stream-viewers see what the word was. “We’ll figure it out as we go along here. Whirl was just leaving Rung’s office, and the small therapist was ready to settle into a brief period with nothing to do when Rodimus shouldered past the helicopter and into Rung’s office, shutting the door behind him. “Hey there, da-“ Rodimus was overcome with a few giggles, reset his vocalizer, and tried again. “Hey there,” he tried again, only to stop and laugh a little harder, helm hitting his desk for a second before he straightened his backstrut and put on a serious face. “Hey there, daddy. You free? Wait a second—Rung’s actually calling me. Yelllow? Yeah hi. Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Yeah, I get it no problem. Sure. Uh huh. Okay, I won’t then. Yeah. Bye daddy!” Rodimus joked, laughing to himself as he shut off the call. “Okay, so Rung is basically begging me not to read that, so we’ll set this one aside for now, let’s go with another short one.”

“Let’s go with…ooo, this one is in second person, starring someone named Y slash N. Y/N.”

“Isn’t that shorthand for your name?”

“Oh, this is selfcest? Ha, just kidding. The scene opened on a typical night at Swerve’s, where you’d invited your favorite captain down for a (totally platonic) drink. Despite him only being here for a friendly conversation, you were still nervous, and it was obvious why. Captain Rodimus was drop-dead gorgeous, and you totally weren’t a little in love with him. You were smitten. You’d finally got it into your head that you would ask him if it were at least possible to consider a relationship between the two of you, but once he’d gotten here even the engex wasn’t making it seem like a good idea. You didn’t stand a chance with him! He was an ex PRIME for primus’s sake!”

“Damn are you sure you didn’t write this one?” Rewind joked from behind the camera, and Rodimus gave him a rather rude gesture before continuing.

“What’s up, Y/N? Rodimus asked, putting his glass down on the table between you. ‘You haven’t said anything all night, is something up?’ You shook your helm, downing your third shot that night. Actually, with more engex in your system, telling the truth was looking more prospective. Also, Rodimus was looking nicer. You swear, you were seeing a sparkle on his plating that had not been there a moment ago. You gestured to Swerve for another round, and then another, and once you were properly overcharged, your mouth opened, and something must have been said, because those pretty blue optics were shining brighter than usual. ‘Frag, what did I just-‘ ‘you’re in love with me?’ Okay, chapter…two? Wait, is that it? No, that can’t be it, that was just getting good!”  
Rodimus sighed heavily. “Okay, moment of silence for the missing next chapter, and then we’ll go back to that 50-chapter Drift-is-still-Deadlock au.”

The stream had lost a little steam after lasting nearly half the night shift, and Rodimus had taken one break for him and Rewind to have a quick drink, and after confirming Rewind was still good for it, took his seat back and continued on his long reading. He was almost uncharacteristically stone-faced about it, not laughing too much or too often, though he often cracked a smile or made a side comment about something ridiculous. The stack of datapads was over halfway through, the vast majority of them being oneshots or short-arcs, with a few slow-burns for good measure. Rewind had started asking him to rate the fics both on a scale of one to ten and on a scale of best to worst of what they had read so far, the list being digitally displayed on the left side of the stream. The current “best” was ‘Brandishing the Gavel,’ a fic about the five times Rodimus failed to seduce Ultra Magnus and the one time he still failed to seduce Utra Magnus and sadly jacked off alone because of it. The “worst” had only recently become ‘soft candies assortment,’ which had looked promising with its wide array of characters, but was actually just a fic containing chapters of multiple prompts from somebody’s blog, and not a 256 chapter fic about Rodimus and Nautica being fake-married. Rewind had declared his personal favorite so far to being ‘Happy Fun Times,’ an au where everything was the same but Overlord had never been freed from the basement, and Rodimus, for some reason or another, got to feature in a double Rewind sandwich while Chromedome sat in the corner and just watched or something, because the fic totally forgot about him three position changes in.

“Okay,” Rodimus finally conceded. “It’s really late. We’ve been reading fanfiction for hours. Rewind, you wanna take a break and sleep, come at this tomorrow?”

Which birthed the week’s installment of Fanfiction Cycle, an ongoing art installment of things on a scale of hilariously bad to absolutely cursed and terrible. By the fourth night, Rodimus had made it through his original stack, only for Magnus to take a small revenge where he could and expand the pile, adding fifty new acquisitions of “illegal pornographic material.”

A new list was added, one of fan favorites, the top-liked fic being ‘Swervsies,’ a fic so obviously mocking one from the first batch about Rodimus getting banged by a full bar, because it was a fic about Rodimus banging the literal, actual bartop, written with every possible goofy phrase for an interface array ever. The top-rated was the first one from stream two, a simple fic about Rodimus trying to figure out a new way to greet people, which quickly went from high-fives to creating a unique handshake with everyone, a concept so many people were behind that Rodimus, during the day shift, actually tried to recreate some of them.  
And then, the chosen one came along. The final fic. Something so cursed, so evil in energy, that Drift claimed it stuck like a shadowy aura to Rodimus’s plating for days afterward.

“So this is “Choke me like you hate me (but you love me)” and…oof. Okay, that’s a lot of red flags already. As we remember from that one fic about Overlord, guro is a weird sex thing about eating organs, noncon means non-consensual, and…primus, okay, I hate that I’ve learned what oviposition is too. Frag you all for making me learn these things. This is gonna be wild.”

Rodimus was barely through paragraph one before he paused, an absolutely unreadable expression on his faceplates. The fictional Rodimus had only lasted a few sentences before his legs had both been cannibalized, t-cog squished like a grape, and array removed from his body to be fucked in front of him. The real Rodimus, naturally, after reading all of that about himself out loud, set the datapad down on his desk. He sat motionless for a long moment, staring into nothing.

“You okay?” Rewind asked after a long period of silence.

“Well folks,” Rodimus said with his characteristic captain voice, smile creeping back onto his face, “we’re gonna call this one the end of this series. This has been fun! I’d suggest you start writing about Mags or something next, but I am not sure I can trust any of you at this point, so, uh, let’s just remember this idea fondly, okay?”

With a motion of cutting across his neck, the stream went dead for the last time.


End file.
